Episode #16 – How To Support Your Partner When Life Gets Hard (Because It Will!)
In this honest episode, Joree and John share vulnerably how they’ve been feeling lately. It’s been a mixture of grief, sadness and fear about the state of the world, dealing with aging parents, being in physical pain, stress and navigating difficult family dynamics. Without awareness or tools, couples can overcome tragedy and difficulty together, or deal with stressors alone, or worse, turn their negative emotions on each other, creating additional stressors for them to face. Luckily that doesn’t have to be the case. Joree and John share many effective tools that can support couples, both individually and together. Here’s a favorite tip: share with your partner where you’re at (your mood, energy levels and/or capacity) so that your partner can depersonalize your mood and do their best to pick up with the if they are able For many more effective strategies, check out this episode, especially if you and your partner are feeling the weight of the world.
Real life doesn’t pause for your relationship to catch its breath. Stress, grief, fear, aging parents, physical pain, and family dynamics all show up whether you’re ready or not—and without awareness, they quietly turn partners into collateral damage.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to face the weight of the world together, instead of letting it pull you apart.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to:
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Recognize how external stressors quietly infiltrate your relationship
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Avoid turning grief, fear, or overwhelm into conflict with your partner
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Share your internal state (mood, energy, capacity) so your partner can depersonalize your emotions
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Reduce misinterpretation when one partner is tired, shut down, or irritable
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Support each other through pain, uncertainty, and family stress without losing yourselves
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Build emotional teamwork when life feels heavy instead of isolating
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Use simple, tangible tools to stay connected—even when you don’t feel your best
This episode is especially powerful if you and your partner are feeling stretched thin, emotionally taxed, or carrying more than usual—and want relief without blaming each other.
Connect with Joree & Dr. John and Love Isn’t Enough:
• Website: www.loveisntenough.net
• Instagram: @loveisntenough33
• Subscribe to their podcast: Love Isn’t Enough
• Join our relationship Master Class series: https://loveisntenough.net/masterclass/
Connect with Joree Rose:
• Website: www.joreerose.com
• Instagram: @joreerose
• Subscribe to her podcast: Journey Forward with Joree Rose
• Join the Podcast Membership: https://joreerose.com/
journeyforwardpodcast/
Connect with Dr. John Schinnerer:
• Websites: www.GuideToSelf.com | www.TheEvolvedCaveman.com
• Instagram: @theevolvedcaveman
• Subscribe to his podcast: The Evolved Caveman
If this conversation resonated, here are a few ways to go deeper:
• Subscribe to the Love Isn’t Enough podcast
• Leave a review—Scroll down and click Write A Review. It helps more couples find this work
• Join our Monthly Relationship Masterclass on building an emotionally safe and thriving ‘ship
• Work with us directly in couples counseling or coaching. Email (below) to inquire about availability
About Your Hosts:
Dr. John Schinnerer is a psychologist and executive coach out of U.C. Berkeley specializing in emotional intelligence, anger, the evolution of men, and relational health. He has worked with men and couples for over 30 years. He was an expert advisor on the academy award-winning movie, Inside Out. His online anger management class has taught over 25,000 people how to reduce their anger for a happier, calmer life.
Joree Rose, LMFT is a marriage and family therapist focused on emotional safety, attachment, and healing relationship wounds. she has focused on guiding women to greater life satisfaction and purpose and has written several books.
Full Transcript Here
How To Support Each Other When Life Gets Hard
Joree Rose, LMFT: Hello, and welcome back to this week’s episode of Love Isn’t Enough. I’m Joy Rose, licensed marriage and family therapist here with my partner in both life and love,
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men: Dr. John Schinnerer. And
Joree Rose: today’s episode we’re gonna be talking about what’s been on our mind and what we’ve been experiencing over the past few weeks, and it is our hope.
Joree Rose, LMFT: As always, that us sharing our vulnerable and honest and real journey of moving through life while in partnership can help you in case maybe you experience any of the same things. And you need some tools on resilience, navigating uncertainties of the world, how to deal with your emotions, your partner’s emotions, how to support your partner if you’re at different levels of capacity.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Walnut Creek CA:Exhaustion, overwhelm, burnout, anything I’ve missed.
Dr. John Schinnerer: No I think you covered it all.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Near Me: Jumping right in, we’ve been in a blah mood. Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer: The past. Yeah. For me it’s been about four or five days.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Near Me: [00:01:00] Yeah. You wanna share a little bit more of where you’re at and Sure.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Danville CA:I, think that the, 4th of July weekend, at least the past couple years, has always been a little bit difficult for me because it’s the birthday of my son who died about 18 months ago.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Danville CA:And so it all, you know now the 4th of July is a little bit tainted. And I think there was my birthday was end of June, so that brought up some aging concerns for myself having turned 58 then after that 4th of July. And then on top of that I think it’s the first time in 58 years that I really was not very proud to be an American.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, San Ramon CA:And, I know this is gonna some people. Really proud to be an American right now. That’s not me.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Near Me: Yeah, me neither.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, San Ramon CA:I don’t me neither agree with what’s going on in this country. I don’t agree with the anti-immigrant backlash. I don’t agree with hiring, spending $170 billion to hire 10,000 ice [00:02:00] agents.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Walnut Creek CA:I think that’s creating an own, his own private police force to skirt some rules potentially. I, there’s a lot of things that I don’t agree with. And I have a real problem with, and I think that this country is headed down a road to authoritarianism and fascism, and you can see the parallels if you go back to pre-World War II, Germany and some others.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Walnut Creek CA:And so it’s, there’s that, I think there’s economic issues. I think there’s issues with my parents that are aging. And so to me it’s been this cumulative drip. Of stressors and. In, some regards. Intense emotions. Yeah. Negative emotions. Uncomfortable emotions.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Near Me: You’ve been dealing with some extra back pain on top of that.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Walnut Creek CA:There’s on my side a lot of the same of what you shared feeling that this holiday weekend wasn’t [00:03:00] celebratory. And how to even just answer the question of, oh, did you have a fun fourth? It’s not, didn’t really feel fun. Yeah. We made the best of our day and took care of ourselves, but it’s a sentiment that is not easy to share when not everyone feels that.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Pleasanton CA:I, think there’s some real grief around it too, right? I’ve always been proud to be an American and I I was reading a, poll recently that shows that 90% of Republicans, 92% are proud or extremely proud to be an American right now. And it’s dropped to I dunno, 28% of Democrats, whereas that was it over double that.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Pleasanton CA:Yeah. Less than a few years ago. And so it’s a widespread sentiment, right? For many of us
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Counselor Near Me: and. Regardless of where you fall on that political line, I think we can all agree that there’s a lot of change in the air and for many people change. Whether it’s something you created or something that is [00:04:00] being thrust upon you can still be really hard.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Counselor Near Me: And for me, in addition to some of the things that you’re going through, I’ve been navigating ongoing family dynamic and relationships and grief and. My own kind of relationship to myself and my body and natural aging changes is like whether it’s personal and small or big and shared.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Oakland CA:I often say with mindfulness practice whether you’re sitting in traffic or dealing with cancer, the tools are the same, and I think that’s. The theme I’d like to point out in today’s episode, in the first three minutes here, we’ve named this whole list of challenges that are quite personal to us and also quite shared and universal.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Oakland CA:And yet, regardless of what it is that we’re dealing with individually as a partnership, collectively as a country, the tools are the same. Now, I guess if you’re on different sides of the political line, you might not need [00:05:00] some of the same tools that maybe we’re naming, but yet in my mind, it’s always falls back to a mindfulness practice.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapist Near Me: One of the things I often say is it’s not about the thing, it’s how you relate to the thing. And what do I mean by that? Let me just ask you, when I, when you hear that, what do you hear when I say
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Dublin CA:that? It’s interesting when you said that I know exactly what you mean.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Dublin CA:That it’s often about let’s say I’m in a disagreement with my daughter. It’s less about the disagreement, it’s more about how I relate to the disagreement, right? Or if I’m in pain, if my back’s in pain, it’s less about the pain, more about how I relate to the pain, right? How are you dealing with it?
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Hayward CA:Can I breathe into it? Can I relax into it? Like all that stuff and yet, I think in this day and age, that’s true to a point, depending on how bad things get in our objective shared reality, right? For instance, if we get in World War iii, I’m not sure that really holds, I’m gonna, [00:06:00] that’s extreme, but
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapist Near Me: no, I’m gonna challenge that to a little bit because I still think if God forbid we get to World War iii, I know that my anxious style would be one to go to instantly of fear and overwhelm and misery and doom and gloom, and yet.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Berkeley CA:If I only land there, then I forget where I do have agency in my day-to-day life to deal with things that are, not within my control, in a way that I don’t just completely stop my life and feel I can’t function and get depressed and say, fuck it. Why bother with anything? So to some extent. I still am gonna hold to, my belief that I do have some agency and what do I do with this information, right?
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Therapist Near Me: Whether you choose to move out of the country, whether you choose to make different choices so your economics are not being as impacted in your family. Like I, I still think there’s agency and I think I, I agree. And that’s what I mean by how you relate to it, is the [00:07:00] agency in which you feel.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Therapist Near Me: Any hope or powerless. Yeah, because I think we need hope in some capacity. Absolutely. And so whether that hope is even looking at gratitude of I got through today and I’m grateful for that. The sky is blue today. The flowers are blooming, right? Like we can still find the ways to get through.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Berkeley CA:Otherwise, it’s gonna be really easy to just say, I why bother with any of it? And I’m not talking about being suicidal, I just mean falling into a depression. Feeling hopeless. ’cause a lot of the things that you named at the beginning, there’s objective reason to not fill out a hope right now.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Therapist Near Me: And yet we can’t live in a state of hopelessness, especially when it’d be so easy to.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Hayward CA:And, I think to me hope’s an interesting one because hope is less of an emotion, more of a choice. And can you say more about that? I’m not sure. Yeah. I like, I think it’s Dick Snyder’s work where he has looked at hope as a three [00:08:00] step process.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Mill Valley CA:So it’s having a goal or direction, having or being able to see a path to that goal, and then having the belief that you can follow the path and get to the goal.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Counselor Near Me: So put that into an example.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Mill Valley CA:Let me see. So for instance, if I want to create more business for us, then I can decide on that as a direction.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Oakland CA:I can lay out a path to meet with people in marketing. I can take steps to pay for advertising. I can take steps to improve my branding. I can take steps to increase my presence on social media, and then I’ve also gotta believe that I can make those steps and take those steps and make that happen. And believe change is possible.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Counselor Near Me: And that last one is where I’m gonna argue is my point of it’s how you relate to it.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist San Francisco CA:Because we can do all the things on the front end and then still not believe any change [00:09:00] is gonna come of it. And that’s the power of our mindset. That’s the power of our belief system. I’m still gonna fall back on how are we relating to each moment?
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist San Francisco CA:Are we accepting it? Are we in radical acceptance? Are we in denial, resistance, judgment? Are we trying to push it under the rug? Pretend it doesn’t exist. That’s gonna make relating to reality a lot harder. And yet there’s this balance of accepting. What is arising and radical acceptance with self-protection around content, that might be too much to bear at times.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Oakland CA:And it’s interesting also because I think part of the challenge I’ve had the past four or five days is my mood has dipped because of grief. And so it makes accessing the tools a little bit harder.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Counselor Near Me: Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Berkeley CA:And for those of you listening, you might hear it in what I’m saying, or my tone of voice that my energy isn’t quite there, my optimism isn’t quite there.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, Berkeley CA:My hope even isn’t quite there. You’re a
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Counseling Near Me: little bit less snarky and a little bit less of a smart ass.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, San Francisco CA:Yeah. And I’m working to, get it back.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Therapist for Men, San Francisco CA:And quickly,
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Counseling Near Me: [00:10:00] so I wanna go into some of these a little bit more, but just feeding off what you just said, how are you working to get that back?
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Walnut Creek CA:What are the ways that you are navigating that?
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in San Francisco CA:I, think the first step is awareness always. I think the first step is, you’re
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Counseling Near Me: speaking my language, baby. Thank you. Of course.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in San Francisco CA:The first step is how am I feeling? What is going on? What is my emotional state? What is my mood?
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Counseling Near Me: Can you explain the difference there?
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Oakland CA:Yeah, emotion versus mood. So emotions are short-lived. I would say three minutes, give or take an hour, but they’re supposed to be short-lived in duration. Emotions typically have a cause. So you say something mean to me. My feelings get hurt. Your words are the cause and then I feel like hurt. A mood on the other hand I think of is emotion stretched thin over time usually are less, they’re less intense.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Berkeley CA:But the key part about moods is they don’t necessarily have a cause that some days we just wake up on the right side of the bed. Some days it’s the wrong side of the bed. And I think [00:11:00] to give ourselves that permission to be in a mood without cause. Is incredibly important. Now, sometimes they do have, cause like in the case of losing a loved one that’s gonna flatline your mood.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Berkeley CA:Okay. That doesn’t happen very often also, but just to be aware of, okay, what’s my mood today like? Am I irritable? Am I grouchy? Am I sad? Am I tired? Am I in pain, which affects everything else or am I doing pretty well? And one of the things that we practice and you know this, but for the listener.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Orinda CA:We really try and figure out where we are each day and let each other know. And so for the past few days, you’ve known, I’ve told you I’m struggling today a little bit. I’m, a little bit down, or I’m a little bit grieving, or I’m a little bit grouchy or irritable, and it has nothing to do with you.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Walnut Creek CA:That second part is so helpful for couples and. The focus of this podcast is relationships and how couples can navigate whatever is being thrown their way. [00:12:00] And that was a game changer for us as a couple when you got more skilled at. Having the awareness of your mood, sharing it with me without any shame or other emotion attached to it, just objectively, this is where I’m at right now.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Counseling Near Me: Not apologizing for it. It’s nothing to apologize for and letting me know it’s not about you. Now, sometimes it might be about me and you can name that, but in absence of you telling that to me. Minds are meaning making machines. And I’m gonna create a story in my head. And if you hadn’t told me it was about me, I might spiral on Uhoh.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Counseling Near Me: What did I do? How did I upset John? Did I let him down somewhere? Did I do something wrong? So that piece of sharing with your partner, and it’s not about you,
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Orinda CA:it’s a gift.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Walnut Creek CA:It really is helpful. I can’t under underestimate overestimate, overestimate. I can’t over overstate that. Yeah, that’s good. That’s what I can’t overstate that enough.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Walnut Creek CA:It’s. It is a gift to your partner because it allows [00:13:00] their mind and body to calm down. And be able to be more available if they happen to be more available to support their partner.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Lafayette CA:Yeah, and I think normally what we do is we over personalize pretty much everyone else’s moods and emotions. We, take what other people are feeling personally and we think, oh my God what did I do to piss John off?
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Walnut Creek CA:Or what did I do to make him sad? Or what do I do and that because I’m that
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Counseling Near Me: powerful. And that’s,
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Alamo CA:but that’s typically what we do. I would say about 95% of the time, when in fact it’s probably 5% of the time that someone else’s emotions or mood have anything to do with you.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Counseling Near Me: Let’s repeat that.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Danville CA:95% of the time, and this is not based, this is just based on anecdotal evidence, but 95% of the time, roughly, we take what other people say, do and feel personally, when in fact it’s only about 5%.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy Near Me: So with that, how would you be able to relate or respond differently to someone else if you didn’t over personalize it?
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in San Ramon CA:It would be a game changer. It
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy Near Me: would be an absolute game changer. You’re [00:14:00] I, said it a minute ago that your nervous system would not get as activated. You might still get a little bit activated. You might feel a little bit heart race increase or tightness in the chest or pit in the stomach, or.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Walnut Creek CA:You might not know how to focus very well if you think your partner’s mad at you, what did I do wrong? You’re gonna have maybe a little bit, but it’s not gonna be the degree.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in San Ramon CA:And can I give you an example of that Please? Just ’cause I, I think that’s helpful. So my daughter Molly came home from Europe, I dunno, a few days ago, and immediately she was out the door and hanging out with her siblings and friends.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Dublin CA:And so I could choose to take that personally and and I think. Keep in mind that first thought is gonna come and that first thought is generally from your emotional mind. And the first thought in this case might be something like, wow, Molly doesn’t love me that much. Or Why is she so selfish?
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Dublin CA:And I like, I have no problem with that first thought, but you gotta realize that’s the first [00:15:00] thought. I would argue that the second thought is more your wise adult self and is more powerful. And so you wanna follow up that first thought with something that challenges. And something like she’s just doing what she’s doing.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Pleasanton CA:Like
Joree Rose, LMFT: she’s excited to see her people. She’s a 19-year-old
Dr. John Schinnerer, Best Marriage Therapist in Pleasanton CA:girl. She’s excited to see her siblings, she’s excited to see other people. She’s got stuff she wants to do. She’s having fun. She’s excited to be home. And all the above can be true. It’s a matter of what do we focus on and how do we depersonalize the other person’s behavior?
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy Near Me: So you often have taught me in, way of a comedic timing and training as callbacks. So this would be a callback to say it’s not about the thing, it’s how you relate to the thing,
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Pleasanton CA:right? Absolutely. That’s
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy Near Me: what you just described. So you just Yes, but I was,
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Pleasanton CA:what I was, my point was that there are big things at.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Fremont CA:That have been set in motion in the world Yes. At present. That I’m not sure that’s exactly true. [00:16:00] I know I was, that’s why I, was just saying there’s exceptions
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy Near Me: A hundred percent. I just was teasing with the callback. But yes,
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Tiburon CA:I appreciate that
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy Near Me: And, I think it’s really helpful. And I wanna name one thing because you mentioned that July 4th was your son’s birthday, and so there was already grief going into that.
Joree Rose, LMFT: And then the state of the world on our independence day in which we didn’t feel a whole lot of freedoms or independence. Remember that grief is, brings up old grief. So that complicated grief of it’s compounding at times. I was talking to a friend recently and she was sharing that she was grieving something from like almost over 20 years ago that came out of nowhere.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Walnut Creek CA:Seemingly came out of nowhere, and my thought was, oh you’re experiencing grief in other areas of your life. So of course grief from 20 years ago is coming up. It may not feel related in the moment. But that grief state is gonna highlight past grief and maybe even some of the [00:17:00] past grief that is unresolved.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Saratoga CA:Yeah. To me, every time I’m looking at present grief, I’m like, oh, what’s the past grief that’s being pulled in here?
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy Near Me: Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Walnut Creek CA:Because past present grief pulls up past grief and.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy Near Me: May, I say. Yeah. Say, I was gonna say I didn’t have the same experience regarding Brett’s birthday just because I, wasn’t as close with him and I hold the space for, I know how it affects you.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapy Near Me: I’m definitely present for that, but I still felt the past week or so. An immense amount of anxiety in my body, and the best way I can describe my physical sensation was I felt buzzy. I just felt like my body was vibrating at a slightly higher level than normal. It was making me anxious in my thoughts, going a little bit more to what ifs than I have normally done in recent years.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapy Near Me: And one of the best strategies I had as I felt that was just naming it to you, not from an ongoing complaining point. I hope that’s not how it sounded, but just as a sharing, [00:18:00] I feel really buzzy. I’m feeling really anxious. I’m not sure what’s going on. I just wanted to share with you where I’m at.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Danville CA:Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in San Ramon CA:And, I always appreciate that. And let me get back to this first step. ’cause then I think there’s someplace to go off of what you just said, so I don’t wanna ignore that. But, the other thing as far as being aware, figuring out what your mood is, what your emotion is, sharing it with your partner, saying it’s not personal, assuming that’s true.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in San Ramon CA:I think the other thing to really work on, and this only took me 20 or 30 years, was to accept how I’m feeling, whether it’s a mood or an emotion, and just be like, yeah, okay, so I’m irritable today, or I’m sad today, or I’m tired today, or I’m in pain today. Let me just go with that. Whereas in the past. If I was I can remember being depressed in my twenties and being like, oh, I shouldn’t feel this way.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Dublin CA:I can’t feel this way. A real man wouldn’t feel like this. Stop being a pussy. Like all that stuff where you’re piling on yourself [00:19:00] simply for being human.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Lafayette CA:Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Dublin CA:And that just takes you further and further down the rabbit hole. Far better to just say, I’m human. I’m not having a good day. Let me just go with that and be kind to myself today.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Lafayette CA:Yeah. So when I would share my buzziness with you. Partly me naming, it was me practicing that very thing. Can I just let it be, okay, this is where I’m at right now. And sharing it also helped alleviate some of the buzziness in my body. Yeah. Because if I didn’t share it, then I might spiral on it a little bit more.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapy Near Me: It might take me more down that rabbit hole. But we know, and there’s research around this too, that just naming it. Helps quiet down that emotional alarm in our brain. Yeah. It deactivates the stress response in which we might get more and more thoughts, emotions, sensations. We go into that cycle of reactivity in which we don’t know how to get out of that spiral and naming it and then sharing it with your partner so they understand where you are at is a huge [00:20:00] benefit yourself.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Pleasanton CA:Yeah. No, I wanted to off, sorry.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Counselor in Pleasanton CA:I wanted to segue off what you were saying, where you were sharing with me that you’re feeling buzzy, you’re feeling anxious. Which then brings up a conversation for us to talk about where are you at, like how much energy, how much bandwidth, how much emotional bandwidth do you have in order to give to life, to the relationship, to work, whatever it is,
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapy Around Me: to the house, to the kids.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in Pleasanton CA:And, I think of it on a one to a hundred scale. And so there was one day where I was like, honey, I’m like at a 20, like I’m. I’m really, I’m pretty struggling. I’m struggling.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapy Around Me: So when you shared that with me, I knew given where you are at, that it was my job if I had the capacity to carry a little bit extra weight.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Orinda CA:And this is something that we heard years ago, Brene Brown share, I think during COVID, where she and her husband would come home from work and check in with each other, in which she talks about relationships are not always gonna be 50 50. That’s great if it is. In reality, it’s gonna be somewhere on the 60 40, 40 [00:21:00] 60, maybe you know, even further out on the ends of that spectrum.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Orinda CA:But if you share that, you’re at 20, on that scale of one to a hundred, if I have the capacity, I can pick up the extra 80.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in Dublin CA:Yeah.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapy Around Me: And if I don’t have the capacity and say, Hey, you’re to 20, I’m like at a 40, ’cause I’m all buzzy over here and we can’t get to a combined a hundred. Then that’s an indication of, then let’s be a little extra gentle with ourselves, a little extra gentle with each other, maybe decrease our expectations for the day, what we think we could get done, and maybe just do the minimum.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in San Ramon CA:And, we got to that point, we did this weekend where the dog we believe once again. Somehow found some THC and ate it.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapy Around Me: It wasn’t ours. If it was mine, I would fully admit it. He did not eat anything of ours. The
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in San Ramon CA:first time it was in Jenner and he got it on the floor of some outdoor coffee shop.
Dr. John Schinnerer: This time, I think it was in the backyard somewhere. And I don’t know how that
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counseling Around Me: happened. I, don’t know [00:22:00]
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in Danville CA:It, it tapped us both out when we were a little bit weakened to begin with. Anyways, I think the dog’s a drug addict, and I’m wondering when CPS is gonna come after us. That’s Canine Protective Services.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counseling Around Me: You put that out there We’re really good, funny dog parents. No, but it was it was like not the news we needed in the midst of just coming off this emotional overwhelm.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in Danville CA:Yeah.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Fremont CA:Or it felt like an emotional hangover by yet. By by the weekend. And one of the questions that we as partners are always asking each other.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counseling Around Me: How can I best support you right now? Yeah. And sometimes there is no answer, right? I don’t know what you can do to reduce my buzziness, other than tell me I’m right here. I got you. You’re not alone. I
Dr. John Schinnerer: can also support your self-care,
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counseling Around Me: right? So
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in Danville CA:if you need, I mean you don’t take naps, but if you need to get massage, if you need to go to Pilates, if you need to hang out in the pool or walk in the grass or whatever it is, go for a walk with the dog.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in Walnut Creek CA:Like I can support, [00:23:00] assuming he’s not
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counseling Around Me: stoned.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Relationship Expert in Walnut Creek CA:Yeah. Crooked line. Say the back, say the alphabet, backwards. VAB, K,
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counseling Around Me: the alphabet at all. I, but that question, how can I best support you? Sometimes it’s the question of itself is support enough. It was what my point was gonna be, that just knowing I’m not alone having to carry the weight of whatever’s arising in my own personal world or the world together, that we’re partners and that helps a little bit.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. It does. And, I think the other thing is to focus. When you the listener, find yourself in a mood like this, then self-care does become critical and to be self-compassion, to be kind to yourself. Is key to know that your productivity might be a little bit off, and that’s okay that you’re not gonna be hyper productive every day of the year.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Expert in Walnut Creek CA:To give yourself some grace that you might need something extra. You might need to [00:24:00] go out to dinner. You might need to get a massage, or go for a walk or take a nap, or have your partner rub your feet. Something like that.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Fremont CA:Part of it I think sometimes people don’t even know what would help.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Pleasanton CA:So I think this, yeah, this conversation hopefully is a great invitation to do an internal check-in to say, Hey, when I’m stuck in a mood or overwhelm or grief or sadness or burnout what do I actually need? Because I know with some clients, they don’t even know where to begin with that question.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counseling Around Me: Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Expert in Walnut Creek CA:Let’s brainstorm a few more ideas. Ideally, ones that don’t cost money, which. It’s like some of those first ones cost, but I take a bath, right? Go to the gym. I like, I love when I’m angry. I love going to the gym and lifting weights. It’s a great fuel. Yeah. For a workout.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counseling Around Me: Read a book. Watch some music.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counseling By Me: Play games. We’ve been playing a lot of cards.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. Watch a movie.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counseling By Me: Sit outside. Listen to some music. Watch cards. Watch
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Expert in Danville CA:comedy. Watch cards.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Pleasanton CA:Play cards. Oh, play cards. I was about to say, I think we were starting to say the same thing at the same time of watch a movie.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counseling By Me: [00:25:00] Oh, here was the other thing.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy By Me: We were watching a show the other night and it was a really good show. But I noticed because my body had been buzzy and that anxiety just felt present, that the show was a little anxiety provoking and I had the awareness that the show was adding to my existing anxiety and I could physically feel it.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy By Me: I shared with you, Hey. Hey John, do you mind if we put on something more lighthearted and we turned on Ted lasso? Yeah, it was good awareness. It was great awareness, and if I had felt like you were really committed to the show we were watching, I might not have as easily spoken up, like older versions of ourself, right?
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Newark CA:Yeah. Where we might not be easily as able to speak our truth, to speak up, to ask for something to change. We are very secure in being able to do that now. But I could see where many couples might feel like, oh, what if he doesn’t wanna do that? What if he gets annoyed with me for wanting to change? But when I said, Hey, this show’s kind of adding to my anxiety right now.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Newark CA:You’re like, got it, great. Let’s change it. But
Dr. John Schinnerer: that’s part of the co-regulation in relationship, I would argue, right? That you want to. Guard and protect how your partner feels, if you [00:26:00] can at all.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy By Me: Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Expert in San Ramon CA:The other thing is, the show we were watching was Mr. Robot, the best show you’ve never heard of or never seen.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Expert in Dublin CA:It’s amazing
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapy By Me: and a little anxiety provoking, so watch it. It’s when you are, when your body’s not buzzing.
Dr. John Schinnerer: It’s a cyber punk hacker. Present day with Remy Malik and Christian Slater. Yeah. Amazing. It was
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy By Me: really good. I just wasn’t in the space in that moment to be watching
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Expert in Pleasanton CA:it. Yeah, fair enough.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy By Me: One of the things that we also notice is helpful for us is when we take a day trip, get in the car, go somewhere.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Counselor Castro Valley CA:For us, being near the ocean is really supportive and helpful and healing. If you don’t wanna. Pay for a massage or go out for a meal, just go take a drive somewhere. Sometimes just literally changing your view and changing your perspective can help you shift how you feel in your body.
Dr. John Schinnerer, Marriage Expert in Pleasanton CA:One of the things that I do which is gonna sound somewhere between woo and spiritual and positive psychology, is when I go out in the backyard to take the dog out to pee.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Last thing before we go to bed, I will, [00:27:00] I start out blessing the trees in the backyard. ’cause the trees in the garden, in the backyard are just epic. And it, morphed from there to the entire world because I am frustrated with the state of the world right now. And so what I do is I go out there, I put my palms facing out to the universe and I wish kind thoughts upon all of us.
Dr. John Schinnerer: And it sounds something like, may we all be happy, may we all be healthy. May we all have the courage to face our own shit, and if we all had the courage to face our own shit, I guarantee this world would be a much better place. Yeah, but we don’t,
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Castro Valley CA:so let me ask you, because I believe in all the woowoo shit.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy By Me: How would someone listening who are like, John, why would that matter to send those kind wishes to the world when you just said it yourself that no one does that? How does that help you? How does that not make you feel more in a downward spiral? Because you don’t see evidence of people [00:28:00] doing that?
Dr. John Schinnerer: There’s two ways I think.
Dr. John Schinnerer: One, it depends how much you believe something like that might, impact others. And I, don’t know how much it impacts others. I do think that the more of us that do that, the more impact it might have. There is some research from HeartMath where they’ve looked at wishing loving kindness, thoughts on trees and found that the trees responded positively, which sounds pretty nuts there you have it.
Dr. John Schinnerer: But the more concrete part of that is when I practice loving kindness and I can do it on myself. I can do it on people that are, I’m really struggling with. I can do it on family, I can do it on the country, on the world, but the primary benefit is it brings my physiology down. Yeah, it relaxes my heart, it relaxes my muscles, it relaxes my jaw, my neck and shoulders, and it slows my heart rate.
Dr. John Schinnerer: So it reconnects me with a more loving feeling. Yeah. And that is gold.
Joree Rose, Best Relationship Therapy By Me: Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Because I’m [00:29:00] always working to get back to that place.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Therapy By Me: Yeah. One of the things that we also did last week that was really helpful, just laid in the grass, that grounding sensation, grounding yourself into the earth, releasing your troubles, letting the universe and the earth support you.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Therapy By Me: That was really helpful. And we’ve even done that with clients in the middle of client sessions. At times when we do couples intensivess, when we can see someone’s getting overwhelmed or flooded, Hey, let’s take a pause. Let’s go walk barefoot in the grass.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Mountain View CA:Really, beneficial tools and I, think these are really ripe opportunities for couples to argue and fight.
Joree Rose, Top Relationship Therapy By Me: And. Look at what happened during COVID. The divorce rate skyrocketed, right? Of people under stress.
Dr. John Schinnerer: So did domestic abuse.
Joree Rose, Counseling For Women: And so when we’re under stress and chronic stress, and a lot of the political stress is leading to financial stress, it’s really easy for couples to turn against one another.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Mountain View CA:Because A, [00:30:00] they don’t know who to turn it towards. B, sometimes it’s easy to hurt the person closest to you. C. We don’t have the tools to have the awareness even of our own energy and where it’s being directed to. And then lastly, I would argue, have the tools to talk through and repair it if that were to happen.
Joree Rose, Counseling For Women: Yeah, so my hope is that whoever’s listening in regards to your own relationship can begin to look for those patterns and. Quoting the work of Julie Manano. If you don’t know who she is, I would follow her on Instagram at Secure Love or the Secure Relationship on Instagram.
Joree Rose, Counselor For Women: Her new book that came out last year called Secure Love is brilliant, but she really beautifully states how couples get into negative patterns. And when we’re in those negative patterns, it’s really easy to turn on each other when really what we wanna do is see that it’s us against the pattern. To be able to identify, oh, when you’re in grief or you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or burnout, this is what tends to happen.
Joree Rose, Counselor For Women: And the more we can [00:31:00] identify our own patterns so we can see it more clearly, I think the better couples fa in not turning towards that, anger towards one another.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah and, one of the other patterns that I’ve seen a lot lately, particularly on social media that is driving me a little bit nuts, is this.
Dr. John Schinnerer: There’s two parts to it, one is addiction to emotions like anger, indignance, contempt, and disgust. And I think it is we know that it’s highly addictive and it feels good at some level to discharge that energy onto others. Connected to that is this dynamic related to anger of externalization, of blame, and.
Dr. John Schinnerer: I just wanna encourage listeners to play around with this idea of not externalizing blame onto others of really looking or asking yourselves the question, what’s my [00:32:00] part in this dynamic? How can I show up differently? How can I relate differently? How can I communicate differently so that I can interrupt this dynamic, which isn’t serving either one of us?
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah.
Joree Rose, LMFT: Yeah, you’ve gotten a lot of bizarre comments on your social media these days of just anger coming at you and like people just
Dr. John Schinnerer: attacking me where I’m just, I’m not attacking them or doing that thing. No, you’re just
Joree Rose, Counselor For Women: giving tools or sharing your opinion and people just
Dr. John Schinnerer: randomly attacking me because we’re on a different side of the political aisle and it’s I’m confused, like why are you attacking me?
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. Did I do something to you?
Joree Rose, Counselor For Women: Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer: No, I didn’t. I didn’t do anything to you, but I have a right to freedom of speech. And that’s one of the things I think that I’m really grieving in the United States right now is I remember a time when we could have conversations across the political aisle, and even if we didn’t respect, or even if we didn’t agree with the values of each other, we could respect them.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. And we could [00:33:00] still have a civil conversation. And now we’re in this state of incivility and rage and attack and demonization and polarization. We gotta get past that somehow. And the first step to the, to doing that is self-awareness. I would argue.
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Women: And a big piece of self-awareness as we talk about is, are we aware of how we impact others?
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Women: It’s not just what’s going on inside of us, but that external self-awareness that is really key in understanding how what, is the implication of what we say and do on others, whether they’re people we know and are close to or other strangers and it still has impact.
Dr. John Schinnerer: And to that point, if you’re attacking someone.
Dr. John Schinnerer: I don’t know. You know how many listeners of this podcast are attacking other people? Probably 0%, but maybe a couple. But if you’re attacking someone in anger, in rage, in contempt, you think you’re better than them. What is your goal? What do you hope to accomplish? Are you trying to change the other person’s mind?
Dr. John Schinnerer: ’cause I [00:34:00] don’t think that’s the goal. No, I think you’re just discharging angry energy. It feels good to you and you’re making the world a worse place because the more of us that do that without any awareness, it erodes trust. And trust is basically the social glue that holds civilization together. And so for those of you who are out that are out there eroding trust, purposefully or mindlessly with your anger, rage, and vitriol, please take a look at yourself and bring it to a halt.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Mill Valley CA:Yeah, and I’m, my, my guess is that the, community of our listeners do not fall into that, and yet we all know people that get impacted by that. Yeah. And
Dr. John Schinnerer: so I’m preaching to the choir.
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Women: Yeah. And I, think it’s demonstrating and showing your hurt and your pain. Yeah. You can just see it in your eyes and hear it in your tone.
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Women: Near Me It’s, a painful world to be in right now for those who really care about others and care about humanity when we don’t see that being [00:35:00] demonstrated or especially role models.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. I’m deeply disappointed. Yeah. In humanity, in a large swath of humanity, because I’m a big fan of happiness.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. And there’s so many people out there right now that are actively tearing down other people’s, not even happiness, peace of mind, safety, security
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Women: Near Me beliefs.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Mill Valley CA:So let’s, do a recap, because I wanna end on a, on an uptick.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Okay. Please. Thank you. Thank you for recovery. You’re welcome.
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Women: Near Me I wanna be able to do a, little recap on.
Joree Rose, Best Therapist For Women: Near Me Tools that couples can utilize to get out of moods or cycles that could otherwise have a couple turn against one another. So in this recap, what do we got? Okay. Naming where you’re at, sharing your mood or your motion with your partner. Hopefully that best part about doing that is so your partner can depersonalize it and be more available to support you through it.
Joree Rose, Best Therapist For Women: Near Me The key. Let me just share, because I don’t think we named this [00:36:00] piece. If, let’s say, John, you come to me and share where you’re at, share your emotions, share your mood. The best thing I can do is to receive that well without judgment. Or criticism. If I were to be like, John, why are you worried about that?
Joree Rose, LMFT: Or if you were to, or Man up. If you had responded to me when I shared my anxiety that I couldn’t really name, but I just felt in my body, if you had responded to me by saying, joy, you’re fine. Get over it. There’s nothing wrong right now. Like I don’t get why you’re feeling that way. The likelihood of me wanting to come back and share again would go down, which would erode trust in our relationship, trust in your ability to see me and care for me.
Joree Rose, Best Therapist For Women: Near Me So how we receive our partners shares is really important. You don’t have to agree with how they feel. Or even think that what they’re feeling is appropriate in that moment, if they’re feeling it, it is real valid and true for them. Honor and accept that with grace and compassion.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. Thank you [00:37:00] for that.
Dr. John Schinnerer: And then number two is be able to name where each of you are in a one to 100 scale in terms of your emotional bandwidth. And you guys need, if you’re a couple, you need to be at a hundred or above in order to be able to function at a decent level.
Joree Rose, Best Therapist For Women Near Me:And if you’re not. Just practice being kind to one another.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. Be really aware. Be really self-compassionate, be really other compassionate, and know that you’re both tapped out
Joree Rose, Best Therapist For Women Near Me:and maybe have a decreased expectations on what you expect or plan that could get done in that day or that week, given where each of you are at.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. And then I think a couple of ones practice mindfulness ’cause that’s the beginning of self-awareness.
Dr. John Schinnerer: We didn’t really talk about that, but loving kindness is one that. I’m a big fan of what else do you have?
Joree Rose, Top Therapist For Women Near Me:Gratitude. We didn’t mention gratitude. And for those of you who don’t know, I had a book on gratitude come out a couple years ago. It was a whole year’s worth of practice like a calendar style book.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Remember all the Post-Its you had around the post. Oh my
Joree Rose, Top Therapist For Women Near Me:[00:38:00] gosh. That was actually my Facebook memory today was my dining room table full of 365 post-Its of that many different ways to practice gratitude and gra gratitude is a great antidote to so much stress, overwhelm anxiety, fear, depression, sadness, anger, hurt.
Joree Rose, LMFT: You name it. Why?
Dr. John Schinnerer: Why is it a good antidote?
Joree Rose, LMFT: Why? Because number one, our brains have a negativity bias. We are wired to focus on the negative. That is simply how our brains were designed back when we were cavemen. It was a survival mechanism, and so we’re already fighting an uphill battle to look for the good, but it’s not just looking for the good.
Joree Rose, Top Therapist For Couples Near Me:It’s about taking in the good and harnessing the good. Because what actually happens is the more you do that. You’re actually gonna see more of the good and you can help rewire your brain. And while it may not change, you know what’s arising. It’s gonna help be a different lens through which you can see.
Joree Rose, Top Therapist For Couples Near Me:And even if it’s great gratitude for the smallest of things we’re not looking to make a 90% shift with any of these tools. It’s [00:39:00] a 1% shift that’s gonna grow over time that we can harness. And sometimes that question is, what is the next best thing I can focus on in the next moment? In the next five minutes, in the next 10 minutes, it could be really small.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. Thank you for that explanation. You’re welcome. And, I think the other thing is that I don’t know that we touched on is when I get in a mood like this, I’m always asking myself, what’s the next smallest step I can take to get something done, to be productive, to chip away at something to continue my progress.
Dr. John Schinnerer: And I think that’s a really good way to go because a lot of times we’ll get overwhelmed and then we just shut down. Yeah.
Joree Rose, LMFT: And lastly, which we have not also mentioned, but something I recommend to a lot of clients and I do for myself, is if you’re feeling overwhelmed with the state of the world, take a media diet.
Joree Rose, Top Counselor For Couples Near Me:Thank you. Be on an As to know basis. I have a lot of clients who wanna stay informed,
Dr. John Schinnerer: say be on an As to knows basis.
Joree Rose, Top Counselor For Couples Near Me:No, but I was waiting for some sex reference somewhere. ’cause you were what? Ask
Dr. John Schinnerer: asked to know.
Joree Rose, LMFT: I’m like, we haven’t mentioned [00:40:00] masturbation yet as a tool.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Oh, I, that’s one of my favorites.
Dr. John Schinnerer: I forget about that one episode. You brought
Joree Rose, Top Counselor For Couples Near Me:up masturbation, right? In my introduction.
Dr. John Schinnerer: I was excited.
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Couples Near Me:I’ll say,
Dr. John Schinnerer: see then I was feeling snarky and
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Couples Near Me:Look at this. Your uptick is happening already. Yeah.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah.
Joree Rose, LMFT: I will say sex. If you were connected with your partner. And are able to relax into the present moment.
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Couples Near Me:Sex is a great antidote to some of these stressors as well. ’cause aside from physical touch being calming and soothing, creating safety, releasing positive hormones in your brain to feel close, to feel secure and orgasm, assuming you. Achieve orgasm with sex. No pressure if you don’t, but an orgasm can be just a great release of energy.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah, it’s a great emotional and physical reset.
Joree Rose, Best Counselor For Couples Near Me:It is. So I’m adding sex to the list of tools. I like it. I like it too. Now I’m all ConFuzzled on what I was saying next. Immediate triage. So be on an As to [00:41:00] No, not as to knows. Need to know.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Need to as to know.
Dr. John Schinnerer: As needed
Dr. John Schinnerer: Know as
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Danville CA:needed.
Dr. John Schinnerer: I think we’re having a little English problems here.
Dr. John Schinnerer: I speak really good.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Counselor Danville CA:You not do that. You’re making fun of me very publicly.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Sorry.
Joree Rose, LMFT: I’m on an As to know needed basis. Is that not right? Need to know. To
Dr. John Schinnerer: know as needed. It’s either need to know or as needed.
Joree Rose, LMFT: Do we wanna focus on my vocabulary or the point? Why don’t you state the point?
Dr. John Schinnerer: So if you’re having trouble with the news, take a media diet.
Dr. John Schinnerer: So cut yourself off from the news for a period of time. And when you start to get back into it, you know you could cut yourself off for a day, three days, seven days. But when you start to get into it, just get into it for minutes at a time and set a timer. So it might be five minutes that you [00:42:00] skim the headlines and just ski, skim a headlines.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Don’t go in depth. And then you can step back into it, depending, you can step back into it more depending where your mood’s at. But the me, the idea of a media diet is a great intervention.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Danville CA:I think what I was trying to say is you don’t need to know everything.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Oh.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Danville CA:You can take information as you need to know it.
Dr. John Schinnerer: There you go. Okay.
Joree Rose, LMFT: And I’m sorry that was not clearly implied in how I was stating it, but. If you are under the belief that you need to stay informed on everything, I guarantee you it’s gonna dysregulate you. We don’t need to know everything. Our brains, were not designed to take in the amount of content, the amount of visuals as we get it, as it’s unfolding in real time.
Joree Rose, LMFT: It’s just, it’s too much. Yes. What are you thinking? I’m stuck on
Dr. John Schinnerer: the fact that I have an ass needed.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Inclination right now anyway.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapist Danville CA:I am not even [00:43:00] sure where to go with that. Yeah. So I’m just gonna say there’s no way to go, I think. I think we’re just gonna end here.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Yeah. I’m just going down in flames here. That kind of day.
Joree Rose, Top Marriage Therapist Danville CA:Focus on the positive. John, what can you do in the, next moment?
Dr. John Schinnerer: I’m going up in flames.
Joree Rose, LMFT: I don’t like the visual at all. Can you change the visual? I don’t approve of your visual.
Dr. John Schinnerer: I’m going to go in the pool.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Pleasanton CA:There you go. You were going to go relax.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Extinguish the flames.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Pleasanton CA:Anyhow, thank you for tuning in today. Hopefully at least one thing we said was informative, helpful, resourceful, or at the very least, you can just laugh at us in our inability to communicate clearly. It’s showing where we’re at, which we are demonstrating unapologetically our own humanness.
Dr. John Schinnerer: That is it for this episode.
Joree Rose, LMFT: If this episode resonated, hope,
Dr. John Schinnerer: love isn’t enough.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Pleasanton CA:If you liked it, please give us a rating, a review, or we share it. If you didn’t like it, don’t be mean. [00:44:00]
Dr. John Schinnerer: John, yell at someone else.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist San Ramon CA:John already asked for our followers and our listeners to not get angry unnecessarily. So if you are angry listening to this, just go punch a pillow.
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist San Ramon CA:No lead. Leave us leave only kind review places, please. Yeah, I think that’s good. That’s it. Okay. Thank you guys for tuning in. Oh, I know one last thing. We have a masterclass series coming up soon. Oh yeah. And this topic that is gonna be coming out next week from the moment that we release this episode is on one of my favorite topics that I’m not doing too well at today, which is communication.
Joree Rose, LMFT: And if you and your partner would like some insights, tools, and great resources on how to improve your communication as a couple, check out the masterclass series. You can sign up for an individual class or the whole year long series and get a bonus coaching session with us.
Dr. John Schinnerer: Learn how to communicate as needed.[00:45:00]
Joree Rose, Best Marriage Therapist Dublin CA:Exactly. The link is in the show notes. Thanks you guys for tuning in. Be well. Bye everyone.