By Dr. John Schinnerer | GuideToSelf.com • LoveIsntEnough.net
Let’s not sugarcoat it: depression is a soul-sucking jerk. It crashes into your life uninvited, devours your energy, hijacks your joy, and then whispers, “This is your life now and forever.” Oh, and it convinces you you’re completely alone.
Spoiler alert: You’re not.
According to Gallup (2023), nearly 1 in 5 U.S. adults is currently battling depression. It doesn’t care how successful you are, how fit you look, or how many gratitude journals you’ve filled out. It’s an equal-opportunity nightmare.
As a psychologist who’s waded through the dark stuff myself, here’s exactly what I do when depression shows up trying to redecorate my brain:
1. Depression in Men Looks Different
If you’re a guy, your depression might show up as irritability, anger, or numbness instead of sadness. You might lash out. Or check out. Or both.
Ask yourself:
“Am I more impatient than usual?”
“Do I feel hopeless?”
“Am I isolating or blaming everyone around me?”
If yes, it’s not just a bad day. It might be depression. Name it. That’s step one.
2. Stop Emotionally Gaslighting Yourself
That inner voice saying, “You shouldn’t feel this way” or “Other people have it worse”? That’s shame, not truth.
Say this instead:
“Even now, I’m still worthy of compassion. I’m struggling AND I can get through this.”
You don’t need to “earn” your sadness. You just need to honor it.
3. Set Stupidly Simple Goals
You don’t need to “crush the day.” You need to survive the next 20 minutes. Try:
Walk around the block.
Brush your teeth.
Stretch.
Sit in the sun.
Tiny wins count. Every one of them is a vote for life.
4. Journal Like a Chaos Dump
Write down your thoughts. All of them. No editing. No censoring.
Just get the noise out of your head and onto paper. It’s not about being profound—it’s about clearing mental clutter so your nervous system can exhale.
5. Move Your Body (Even If You Feel Like Sludge)
Depression thrives in stillness. Movement—any movement—is mood medicine.
Even if it’s just zombie-walking to your mailbox. Get blood flowing. Remind yourself you’re still in here.
6. Touch Grass. Literally.
Nature is free therapy. Go outside. Feel the sun. Stare at a tree. Sit on the damn grass.
Research shows nature reduces rumination, stress, and depression. Plus, a bad day in nature still beats a great day scrolling Instagram.
7. Binge Nostalgia
Old episodes of Ted Lasso, Sunny In Philadelphia. Arrested Development. Schitt’s Creek? That’s not “wasting time.”
That’s comfort food for your brain. Predictability calms the nervous system. Revisit the stuff that made you feel safe.
8. Reach Out Instead of Checking Out
Depression tells you to isolate. Don’t listen.
Text a friend. Talk to your dog. Ask the barista how their day is. Human connection = survival. You don’t need a deep conversation—you just need contact.
9. Get Your Ass to Therapy
Therapy isn’t for “broken” people. It’s for humans.
If you had a broken arm, you’d see a doctor. If your brain’s broken right now? Go get help. You don’t need to hit rock bottom first.
Therapists like Joree Rose, LMFT, and I are here. We get it. We’ve been there. And we’re good at helping people walk back to the light.
10. Know Your Emotional Landmines
Instagram at 2am?
Scrolling your ex’s feed?
Rage-reading news?
Three bourbons and sad music?
Nope. Learn your triggers. Ask yourself what the emotional payoff of an activity is for you. If it’s a negative payout, cut it out. Avoid those like emotional food poisoning.
11. Don’t Wait to “Feel Better” Before Acting
Motivation follows action—not the other way around.
Start walking. Start journaling. Start calling a friend. Your feelings will eventually catch up to your behavior.
12. Medication Isn’t Weakness—It’s Wisdom
I’ve taken antidepressants. I still do. They help. And there’s no shame in that.
They’re not “happy pills.” They’re tools. Like glasses for your brain. And if meds haven’t worked for you? Psychedelic-assisted therapy (like psilocybin) is showing powerful promise. Explore your options.
13. Reconnect With Joy—Like, Kid-Level Joy
Remember what lit you up before life got heavy?
Jumping in a pool. Video games. Building forts. Blasting music with the windows down.
Find those moments again. They still live in you.
14. Emotions Are Like Tunnels—You Have to Go Through ‘Em
Most people want to dodge their feelings. Numb them. Ignore them. But emotions are messengers—not enemies. And they have a beginning, middle and end. Most times, out of fear or discomfort, we turn around in the middle of the tunnel. Wrong! Instead, ask yourself…
What is this feeling trying to teach me?
Depression might be telling you something is off—your job, your relationship, your boundaries. Listen. Process. Act.
You can’t heal what you won’t feel.
Final Thought: You Can’t Bully Yourself Into Joy
You won’t “shame” yourself into happiness. You can’t “tough love” your way out of depression.
What works? Compassion. Patience. Curiosity. Support.
You’re not broken. You’re human.
This is hard—but help exists.
Let’s evolve through it, together.
💬 Want to dive deeper into emotional health, resilience, and reclaiming joy?
Explore our tools, therapy, and monthly masterclasses at:
👉 LoveIsntEnough.net. – Joree and John’s unique couples work
👉 GuideToSelf.com – Dr. John’s coaching and counseling for men.
👉 MindfulnessAndTherapyCenter.com – Joree’s top therapiy for women
🎙️ Or listen now on The Evolved Caveman Podcast — where psychology meets a sense of humor AND real talk.
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